A Peaceful Divorce
by Christopher Cleary
Divorce is a life-changing transition that many hope will lead to a new start; unfortunately, the process can be a painful experience. To achieve a healthy new beginning, more individuals who are going through a divorce are considering the Collaborative Process. It’s a constructive way of divorcing that allows the spouses to control the divorce process.
Conventional divorce begins when one party sues another for divorce. Oftentimes, this leads the parties into becoming adversaries who feel compelled to fight for what is theirs, causing emotional strain for them and, if applicable, their children.
The Collaborative Law approach begins when the spouses and lawyers agree in writing not to go to court. This commitment lays the groundwork to develop solutions that incorporate the shared goals of both parties. What follows is the voluntary disclosure of information through a series of team meetings.
The team consists of various professionals trained in Collaborative Law and share the same values and beliefs. This team of professionals usually includes the following:
The Coaches promote respectful communication and negotiation. Improving these skills is not only useful during divorce process, but after the divorce, as the parties develop a co-parenting relationship.
The Child Specialist provides a voice for the child. By listening to the parents’ concerns and meeting with the child, the specialist determines the developmental needs of the child. The Child Specialist shares this information with the team so it can be incorporated into the parenting plan.
The Financial Specialist helps collect the necessary information and analyze the data for present and future financial consequences presented by possible settlement options.
What role does the attorney play? “We serve as a type of settlement specialist,” says Elyse Aussenberg of Aussenberg Waggoner LLP. “The lawyers still serve as legal advisors, but we also offer support and guidance throughout the process. We help define the interests, needs, and values that should be addressed when settlement options are considered. It’s important to note, though, that all team members strive to achieve the same goals. And if the parties opt for litigation and working through the courts, all members of the team withdraw. That’s how strongly we believe in it.”
Negotiations are conducted in good faith during free exchanges among the parties, and a settlement agreement is carefully crafted to include the needs all members of the family. Negotiating a mutually acceptable settlement also takes the guesswork out of what the court might decide is best for the parties. This benefit is often overlooked.
“Respect,” according to Amy Waggoner of Aussenberg Waggoner LLP, is the cornerstone of the Collaborative Practice. “One of my goals is to keep the team meetings from becoming a slam-fest. We achieve non-confrontational negotiations by maintaining focus on devising a settlement based on a better future, rather than dwelling on points of past contention. With respect comes understanding and cooperation.”
“Sometimes Collaborative Law is confused with mediation,” states Elyse Aussenberg. “My law firm, Aussenberg Waggoner LLP, is involved with both. There are similarities. Both rely on open disclosure by both parties. However, I prefer Collaborative Law because the team and spouses are on the same page. Everyone is aware of the interests trying to be achieved. Despite the mediator’s best efforts, talks can break down and result in messy court litigation.”
The Collaborative Process is as unique as each distinctive family. It’s a cooperative solution, which emphasizes adequate closure and the vision and hope of a better future. Is it truly a method that achieves a peaceful divorce? It is happening every day.